⁷ Then Nathan said to David, “You are that man! The Lord, the God of Israel, says: I anointed you king of Israel and saved you from the power of Saul. ⁸ I gave you your master’s house and his wives and the kingdoms of Israel and Judah. And if that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more. ⁹ Why, then, have you despised the word of the Lord and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and stolen his wife. ¹⁰ From this time on, your family will live by the sword because you have despised me by taking Uriah’s wife to be your own.” ¹¹ “This is what the Lord says: Because of what you have done, I will cause your own household to rebel against you. I will give your wives to another man before your very eyes, and he will go to bed with them in public view. ¹² You did it secretly, but I will make this happen to you openly in the sight of all Israel.” (2 Sam 12:7-12)

So, maybe you know the story?  Boy meets girl, boy has sex with girl and gets girl pregnant, boy deliberately has girl’s husband placed in harm’s way in a war zone, and husband dies.  Well, that was certainly the case with King David back in the day.  This “man after God’s own heart” (Acts 13:22) chose to do something heinous – something that today would be punishable by death, at least.  But, let’s examine the words that Nathan (the prophet) speaks to David afterwards, that are from the mouth of God Himself.

“Why, then, have you despised the word of the Lord and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and stolen his wife.” (2 Sam 12:9)

That is what God was pissed about?  God had full opportunity to blast David for all of the crimes he had committed against "God’s law," but He chose to focus on the murder of Uriah the Hittite and the subsequent theft of his wife-property?  God chooses to condemn David’s family to the sword because David wrongfully took one man’s life?  God chose to pimp out David’s wives because David admittedly took one man’s wife? Maybe you are not tracking what I am saying here.  Maybe I am not being very clear.  What I am more curious about is why God does not mention the very obvious infractions that David has committed.

Adultery

Why for instance is the word “Adultery” never used?  I mean that culture and our culture and Jesus’ culture was BIG on using that word to describe the sin behind David’s actions. God could have easily pointed out to David that what he had done by committing adultery was more than enough to get him stoned in even a more contemporary society, let alone the one he lived in.  God could have called him out on the mere fact that David slept with another man’s wife, or the fact that David was married and was sleeping around period.  Each of those infractions ARE adultery.  Jesus lists adultery as the reason why someone may divorce another in the Sermon on the Mount. (Matt 5)  This alone was a heinous crime to the culture of that day.

Wives, not Wife

Oh yeah did I mention that David had wives, not just one wife?  Wait a second.  Seriously?  Yes, count them:

Michal
Ahinoam
Abigail
Maacah
Haggith
Abital
Eglah
Bathsheba (2 Sam 3:2-5)

So that, by all accounts makes him a polygamist.  I don’t think anyone would disagree with that assessment.

Co-habitating with Sex Slaves

David also had at least ten concubines.  What’s that?  10. (1 Chronicles 1:1-9; 2 Samuel 6:23; 20:3)  What is a concubine one might ask?

Wikepedia defines it thusly: “A concubine is generally a woman in an ongoing, marriage-like relationship with a man whom she cannot marry for a specific reason. It may be because she is of lower social rank than the man (including slave status) or because the man is already married. Generally, only men of high economic and social status have concubines. Many historical rulers maintained concubines as well as wives.”

Concubines were basically there to pleasure the King, when the wives were not in the mood.  Likewise, if for some reason the wives were not producing enough sons, then the King would impregnate a concubine in hopes of increasing his lineage with a son. So basically this is a formal kind of Adultery (remember that word).  David was regularly having sex out of wed-lock with these women, thus committing adultery and also having what we hip evangelicals like to term as “pre-marital sex,”  but also “co-habitating.” 2 Samuel 5:13-15 says that David took on more wives and concubines in Jerusalem, but it fails to say how many, and it only names the sons born to him there.

But who’s counting

Well obviously I am counting.  You should be counting too.  Really, I have a point, stay with me.  Check it out, here is a list of things that God should have nabbed David for: Adultery (multiple counts) Polygamy (multiple counts) Sex before marriage (multiple counts) Co-habitation (multiple counts) Murder (one count) Theft (one count) Coveting his neighbor’s wife (one count) Being a Dick (I added this one.  It should be a crime)

The Law of Moses

But who am I to second guess God?  Right?  I mean God in all his wisdom saw fit to formally charge David with crimes against His “Law” otherwise known as the Law of Moses, or the Ten Commandments.

So that is truly what God nabs David for, Murder, and Coveting, and Theft and in an indirect way Adultery.  God does get him, and in the end David pays dearly.  But what about the other law of Moses?

One Man, One Woman

It’s in the Bible, I read it, I believe it.  Moses wrote in Genesis about the fact that marriage is a union between just one man and just one woman.  You remember the whole man will leave Mom and Dad and cleave to his wife?  (Gen 2:24)  Haven’t you heard this argument before?  I mean, we have to obey the commands of God as passed down through Moses in Genesis right? I mean the atrocities of David ala Adultery, Polygamy, Co-habitation and pre-marital sex cannot go unanswered. 

How could we possibly justify blasting homosexuals with the abomination of gay marriage?  How could we dare to pound them over the head with the Bible for being against Godly marriage if God does not seem to care at all about the abomination that is David?  But, no, David will forever go down as a “man after God’s own heart.” He will forever be listed as an ancestor to Jesus, and in fact so will Bathsheba, the adulteress turned mother of Solomon (an author in the Bible).

We Care a Hell of a Lot More About This Stuff Than God Seems to

So, this is one of the reasons I have arrived at the above conclusion.  In fact humans have traditionally always had more laws than God could come up with on His own.  We do it to ourselves, folks.  In being absolutely clear about David’s abject offensive behavior, god is also clear about what he is NOT angry about. So why do we get so excited about things like gay marriage, or gay Christians, or people living together and not married, or young lovers safely experimenting with sex?  What has got our panties in a bunch?  It isn’t God, so don’t blame Him.